February 2011
12 posts
1 tag
Let’s have another “Celebrity Doppelgänger” week so I can again see how delusional people are about their appearances.
Feb 1st
January 2011
19 posts
1 tag
I did not know softwood was a word. But it is. I don’t think there are any softwood floors. EDIT APPARENTLY THERE ARE EFF
Jan 30th
Old dogs don’t want to be taught new tricks, because that would be admitting they didn’t know everything already. So instead the new trick is ruled “not the best option”, even if it would be. Old dogs don’t want to be taught new tricks, because then they’ll have to spend time teaching all the other old dogs new tricks, and those other dogs don’t want to...
Jan 29th
Jan 28th
I pry open old wounds like half-waking eyes dividing a nightmare.
Jan 26th
In the car with my dad, listening to the radio… Me: I’ve never understood this song… Dad: This guy has some aversion to working, and really loves playing his drum — what’s so hard to understand? Can’t get much simpler than that.
Jan 25th
Mazda should call their warranty plan Zoom Service.
Jan 24th
Gotta brush my teeth before I talk on the phone in the morning.
Jan 23rd
1 note
1 tag
I wanna take black and white photos of naked girls with unhealthily skinny bodies wearing lots of makeup. It might be tough, but I strive to be original, so it’ll be worth it.
Jan 21st
1 note
Even if you didn’t make your bed, you should probably sleep in it. Sleeping on the floor isn’t good for your back.
Jan 20th
Is Mandy Moore diabetic or something?
Jan 15th
Jan 14th
Thoughost partridge foot foot foot
Jan 12th
Faux Knittin’
Jan 11th
1 tag
Parents. Who needs ‘em.
Jan 11th
I’m self-absorbed like a sponge made of water, like a pint of depression, like cocaine-paved mucus membranes. Like if you took a muffin, and poured another muffin on it, and that second muffin was a liquid muffin.
Jan 7th
Until yesterday, I thought the lyric in Pink Floyd’s “Money” was: “And if you ask for a ride it’s no surprise they’re givin’ guns away.” …made sense to me.
Jan 5th
It’s funny how Nyquil ads play the spouse angle. They show a hacking and coughing husband in bed next to his pissed off and sleepless wife. “If you want your spouse to shut the hell up and let you get some goddamn sleep, force them to drink this! Aw, now everyone’s happy.” It’s funny how Lunesta (a sleeping pill, like Ambien) ads avoid it. They show a woman sleeping...
Jan 4th
I think I’m getting sick. With what? Of you. Aw snap, clutch burn! Yeah so not “think”, “know”. [and you said “clutch burn” without even realizing why that’s cool] [this wasn’t actually a real conversation so don’t freak out]
Jan 3rd